How to manage your feelings without shutting down or blowing up
We often think of “managing our feelings” as something that involves controlling them — getting a grip, calming down, moving on. But the reality is more complex — and far more useful.
The way through a difficult feeling is not around it, but through it. That idea shows up again and again in the work I do with clients — the moment someone stops trying to argue their way out of an emotion and instead lets themselves actually feel it is almost always the moment something shifts. Either the feeling changes – or their relationship to the feeling does. Emotions aren’t static to be managed away. They’re information. And the way we resist them tends to cause far more suffering than the feelings themselves.
Rest isn’t laziness: Reclaiming being in a world obsessed with doing
We like to believe that rest is something we earn — a reward waiting at the end of the to-do list, once everything is finished, once we’ve achieved enough. But the to-do list never actually ends. There’s always one more task, one more goal, one more version of “successful” just out of reach. And somewhere in the chasing, we forget the most basic truth of who we are.
We are human beings. Not human doings.
How do I know if my therapist is right for me?
The therapeutic relationship you have with your therapist is a bit enigmatic if we really think about it. Here is a person who you know very little about, yet you sit in a room with them, and open up to them about things you perhaps haven’t even told you parents, friends, partner or children. And, within the confines of the four walls of the therapeutic space, you are supported to peel back your layers, and look inward toward things that you have perhaps been avoiding, running from, or even living in denial about.
That’s a whole lot of trust to put in someone whom you know very little about on a personal level! No wonder why therapy can be a daunting experience for first-timers.
That’s why it is important to find a therapist who is right for you. I honestly believe that the best therapeutic work isn’t achieved with the most experienced or “best” (however that may be defined for you) therapist. Instead, the best work happens through a strong, trusting, and healthy therapeutic relationship.