Common Difficulties I See In Therapy
We use different words for things we struggle with in life. Words like difficulties, disorders, mental health concerns, diagnoses, problems, or worries. In the end, whatever word we use, it means we are struggling and could use some help. As a clinical psychologist, I can spot symptoms, cluster them together and formulate a diagnosis. This is usually helpful if you need additional support like medication or a targeted treatment plan for panic attacks. Using a diagnosis communicates what’s going on for you when I write a letter to your GP or other professional giving input into your care.
Does online therapy work?
The short answer is yes, online therapy does work. When the world as we knew it ended in 2020, lots of us had to change our mindset about online therapy. We had no other option than to move from facing each other on the couch to seeing each other on a screen.
Why Men Struggle With Asking For Help
I know we suck at a lot of things. Sometimes I’m astounded by our petty wilfulness around asking for help. Somehow, being a man in midlife makes it worse. We feel that we should know the answers and act like the responsible adults we never were. So, asking for help can feel embarrassing and surprisingly attacking on the little misplaced pride we tenderly cultivate like special mushrooms in the basement of our brains.
Depression: What is depression, and how do we treat it?
What is depression?
Depression is when we feel stuck in sadness, emptiness, or heaviness for a while and cannot simply snap out of it. We feel hopeless, worthless, and guilty. We find it hard to concentrate, and the things that used to give us some joy have lost their shine. We feel tired, irritable and trapped. Sometimes we think of suicide or have ongoing thoughts about death.
Needs vs Wants in a Relationship: How to Know the Difference
Relationship dynamics can be surprisingly confusing. You make what feels like a simple request — and suddenly it escalates. You ask a question. Your partner feels criticised. You feel hurt. You’re asking for something that seems completely reasonable — and yet it lands badly.
And underneath it all is a question most of us don’t think to ask:
Is this a need that matters for the relationship… or is it a want — a preference?
How to manage your feelings without shutting down or blowing up
We often think of “managing our feelings” as something that involves controlling them — getting a grip, calming down, moving on. But the reality is more complex — and far more useful.
The way through a difficult feeling is not around it, but through it. That idea shows up again and again in the work I do with clients — the moment someone stops trying to argue their way out of an emotion and instead lets themselves actually feel it is almost always the moment something shifts. Either the feeling changes – or their relationship to the feeling does. Emotions aren’t static to be managed away. They’re information. And the way we resist them tends to cause far more suffering than the feelings themselves.
Rest isn’t laziness: Reclaiming being in a world obsessed with doing
We like to believe that rest is something we earn — a reward waiting at the end of the to-do list, once everything is finished, once we’ve achieved enough. But the to-do list never actually ends. There’s always one more task, one more goal, one more version of “successful” just out of reach. And somewhere in the chasing, we forget the most basic truth of who we are.
We are human beings. Not human doings.
7 fresh ways to spice up your sex life
Every long-term sex life has a shape to it — not a straight line, but something more like a set of hills. There are stretches where you can’t keep your hands off each other, and stretches where sex slips right down the priority list behind sleep, work deadlines and whoever’s turn it is to do school pickup. Both are normal. Neither one is the “real” version of your relationship.
Desire also isn’t one thing. It responds to stress, hormones, body image, how safe you feel with each other emotionally, how tired you are, and how much unresolved tension is sitting quietly in the background of your week. Two people can be deeply in love and still find themselves in a low patch, simply because life is too loud and demanding. That’s not a verdict on the relationship — it’s context.
Your Relationship Patterns Play Out at Work Too
We like to believe we leave our relationships at the door when we walk into work. That the person who shows up for the 9am meeting is a clean, professional version of us — competent, composed, unbothered by the messiness of home. This is just how it is. Work is work. Home is home.
But the reality is more complex — and far more revealing.
Because work is a relationship too. You have a boss, colleagues, clients, maybe people who report to you. Wherever there are people, there are the same underlying needs we bring to every relationship — to feel respected, valued, safe, and seen. And when those needs aren’t being met at work, the same parts of us that show up in our intimate relationships and friendships show up in the office. They don’t always know the difference between a partner and a manager. They just know when something feels unsafe.
The Mini Unblend in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy: A Simple Way to Come Back to Yourself
Sometimes your inner world very, very crowded. Maybe you’re in a moment of anger, self-criticism, craving, replaying a conversation, worrying about tomorrow, and trying to work out what to do next. Like dominoes, one thought leads to another, and one feeling activates another. Before long, your whole system of parts can feel like it is in chaos.
This is a familiar experience in Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy. In IFS, we understand these experiences as times when parts have become blended with us.